Whitaker's Current Articles August 28, 2004

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August 28, 2004  -- 
The CIA is a Junior Branch of the Keystone Cops

August 28, 2004  --  Let Me Remind You of Whitaker's Law of Experts

August 28, 2004  --  Ole Bob Screwed Up, Too

August 28, 2004  --  The KGB Swings into Action



Fun Quote:

You know you are dealing with a true sadist when he utters the following words:

"It's for your own good."

 

The CIA is a Junior Branch of the Keystone Cops

 

In 1960s every pencil necked hippie told me that the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) had him under constant surveillance.

Right-wingers tell me that the CIA knows all.

Every country in the world thinks the CIA is behind everything that happens, including thunderstorms. Everything that happens is a result some operation by the geniuses who run this superefficient, tightly-coordinated organization. Everything is a "CIA operation."

If you ever saw a real "CIA operation" all your illusions would disappear.

The CIA is a Top Secret organization. Every bureaucracy bungles. But Top Secret is a license to bungle. Every group of bureaucrats will use any excuse to cover up the fact that they have no idea what they are doing. With Top Secret, they don't have to look for an excuse. They just look Wise and Secretive and everybody goes away.

I'll let you in on a little secret: for every one time Top Secret keeps anybody from knowing something they ought not to know, there are a hundred times when it lets bumblers, toadies and incompetents climb up the ladder to the top.

You may think I am telling you that "top security experts" are a bunch of complete morons. If so, you understand the point I am making.

 

Let Me Remind You of Whitaker's Law of Experts

 

Whitaker's Law of Experts goes this way:

1.)  When there is a crisis in a given area, it is almost invariably because the experts in that area failed to see something they should have seen or didn't prepare for it or caused the crisis by just plain screwing up;

2.)  So who does the government call in to solve the crisis?

3.)  It calls in the experts, the experts who caused the crisis or let it happen.

In 1870 France fought Germany. The French Army was bigger than the German Army, but the German Army used speed and outflanked the French and totally defeated them

In 1914 France fought Germany. Much of the German Army was occupied on the Eastern Front, so the French Army was bigger than the German Army. The German Army used speed and outflanked the French and totally defeated them. Paris was saved by using its taxicabs.

In 1940 France fought Germany. France had massive defense preparations, but the German Army used speed and outflanked the French and totally defeated them

All this time, each generation of French military experts were training and giving promotions to the next generation of French military experts.

When 9/11 occurred, experts were consulted. The security agencies were called in to give their expert advice. Not one single security bureaucrat was reprimanded, much less fired. They all got more money and many of them got promoted because we needed more security experts because of 9/11.

One thing every security expert agrees on is that we shouldn't "play the blame game."

Now if the French defeats in 1870, 1914 and 1940 and the disaster of 9/11 didn't break the solid front of experts protecting experts, what do you think happens when the ones in the security agencies get to protect each other with the magic words, Top Secret?

 

Ole Bob Screwed Up, Too

 

If you think Old Bob is applying for CIA Director, forget it. When I was a security expert, I was as bad as anybody. My boss was ranking Republican on the House Select Intelligence Committee and when he died President Reagan appointed me to the very top of the chain for approving every single security clearance for every single civilian employee of the Federal civil service. This included such highly sensitive groups as the Defense Intelligence Agency (DIA).

One person who could find out any government secret was the head of Cuba desk of the Defense Intelligence Agency (DIA). She is now in prison, having admitted that her entire career in the DIA was devoted to Fidel Castro and Communism.

During the Cold War our government was full of Soviet agents. This is now a matter of public record. Since the KGB files opened up some after the Soviet Union collapsed, so many Americans were found to have been working for the KGB that we stopped naming them out of boredom.

Besides, naming them would be "playing the blame game." No one should blame a person who worked for Stalin in the 1950s. But anybody who worked for Hitler in the early 40s must be tracked down anywhere on earth.

The glorious FBI and CIA found none of these Soviet agents back when it was a matter of life and death.

Nobody minded. They were experts.

In a recent television documentary a former employee of the Soviet Embassy in America was talking about the fact that nobody at the Embassy had much to do in the way of normal diplomatic work. Their job was recruiting agents in America.

He even named the groups they recruited among: "Liberals, ex-hippies" and so forth. The same people any right-winder used to suspect if he was looking for a pro-Communist. It stands to reason that if the Soviets didn't find a lot of agents that way, they wouldn't have spent so much time looking for them.

So the Soviet Union, with its giant web of spies, knew anything it wanted to know in the US, right?

Wrong. The reason Soviets didn't know everything they needed to know had nothing to do with Top Secret. It was because, if the CIA is a junior league of the Keystone Cops, the KGB was much, much worse.

 

The KGB Swings into Action

 

How can I show the KGB was even worse than the CIA?

Like the legions of Soviet spies US Government Top Secret positions, the evidence of Soviet incompetence is a matter of public record.

One after another, Americans who had information the Soviets couldn't get from all their agents had to walk to walk right into the Soviet Embassy in Washington and offer to sell it.

So why couldn't the network of Soviet speies get this stuff?

Each KGB agent had his own recruits. They were his stock in trade in the KGB. He would have been scared to death if some agent had reported to him that somebody had information to sell. He would have sat on it, trying out how to make the most of it for himself. He would have been afraid it was wrong and that would be blamed on him.

The complications were endless.

So the big spies had to go into the Soviet Embassy on their own.

The 9/11 catastrophe would have been avoided if he INS and FBI had shared information with the CIA. But that information was the stock in trade of the INS and the CIA. Their higher-ups have a system of trading information. If a lower-down gave that information to another agency he would be ruined.

So will we ever know who as responsible for the criminal failure to share information that led to 9/11?

Of course not.

It's Top Secret.

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