Whitaker's Current Article October 4, 2003

 

October 4, 2003 -- An Educated Man Knows His Bible, But...

October 4, 2003 -- I Make a Mighty Revelation Unto You

October 4, 2003 -- Does Anybody Care Whether Jesus Spoke Greek? 

 

Fun Quote:

The new rich in every Southern city are desperate to prove they are not Provincial and Predictable.

As a result, Southerners who think they are Sophisticated and Original are the world's most provincial and predictable people.

Every statement a Southerner makes to show he is unprovincial and unpredictable comes through the same pipeline:

1) The New York Times said it two weeks ago;

2) the Atlanta Journal said it last week;

3) the local newspaper, which is part of a national chain, said it this morning, and

4) It is the Southern Sophisticate's Independent Thought for today.

 

                                         An Educated Man Knows His Bible, But....                            

 

Jesus never once criticized anybody for not reading the Bible enough.   In fact, one of the two people in his parables who went to Hell knew the Bible inside and out, backwards and forwards.

The proud Priest of the Temple, the Jew of Jews, who stood proudly before the altar was condemned to Hell, whereas the humble sinner who was in the shadows was saved.   But according to all the Bible literalists I hear, if you are a good Jew and you read the Old Testament enough, you go to Heaven.

Jesus said, "No man goes to the Father but by me." 

But who cares about that?  It's not in the Old Testament.

When it comes to Jesus, there is one huge difference between me and a real theologian. Jesus often said "It is written."   A theologian thinks Jesus said that because only what was written by a Jewish scholar was a Real Authority to Jesus.

I think Jesus quoted things that were written only when what was written said what Jesus wanted to say. 

I don't think Jesus ever needed anybody's Authority but His own.

 

                                           I Make a Mighty Revelation Unto You                                     

 

Like everybody who has read the Old Testament a lot, I now know everything about everything.  I know True Evolution, I can tell doctors how to practice medicine, I know True Physics, all of it.

But since I am a busy man and my business is politics, I will only tell you all about that.

For instance, I can tell you the true reason the Middle East is in turmoil.  Here it is:

Moslems don't eat pork.  Israelis don't eat pork. 

When a person is deprived of pork chops or Maurice Bessinger's pork bar-be-cue, he becomes irritable.  Then he becomes violent.

That's how Yankees got that way.

There is a whole segment of the Planet Earth where people completely deny themselves pig meat.  That area is in a constant state of violent and bloody conflict.

You take away my pork chops and you too will be in a state of violent and bloody conflict.

Now that I have explained this, I expect a Nobel Prize by return post.

 

                             Does Anybody Care Whether Jesus Spoke Greek?                           

 

If you have to be a good Jew to get to Heaven, I've had it.  I am dead certain that Hell is a place without pork products.   I expect to be Up There with my plate in my hand and Maurice Bessinger handing out the viands.

A lot of my fellow Bible Belters think that they will get to Heaven by hashing out theological points.  That is not the hash I am concerned with.

I have lots of qualifications to be a big-time intellectual, but that is not how an old Southerner thinks.   Senator Sam Ervin of North Carolina was the unquestioned top expert on constitutional law in the United States Senate.  Even the liberal black congresswoman Barbara Jordan went straight to him when she had constitutional questions to ask.

One day when Senator Sam was chairing the Judiciary Committee, Howard Baker got fed up with his always saying, "I'm just a country lawyer from North Carolina."   He said, "Dammit, Sam, you're a MAGNA CUM LAUDE graduate of the Harvard Law School!"

The senior senator from North Carolina grinned and replied, "Yes, Howard, but nobody will ever know it."

Just like Senator Sam, I think a lot of myself, but not the way the people who call themselves "intellectuals" do.  The so-called intellectuals think it's great when they use language nobody understands.   Like Sam Ervin, I know that any fool can take a course in Ancient Greek and give a whole speech nobody understands.

To me, a real intellectual is someone who can take the most complicated point and understand it so well that he can explain it in a way everybody can understand.  That takes smarts.  That shows deep knowledge and deep understanding.

In ancient Palestine those who spent every waking hour studying the Law and the Prophets spoke only to each other. Jesus talked to fools like me.

I don't think there is any question that Jesus was intelligent.

I happen to think He is a good deal more than that.

 

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Editor: Rick Rowland
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