Whitaker's Current Article October 4, 2003
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October 4, 2003 -- An
Educated Man Knows His Bible, But...
October 4, 2003 -- I
Make a Mighty Revelation Unto You
October 4, 2003 --
Does Anybody Care Whether Jesus Spoke Greek?
Fun Quote:
The new rich in every Southern city are
desperate to prove they are not Provincial and Predictable.
As a result, Southerners who think they are
Sophisticated and Original are the world's most provincial and
predictable people.
Every statement a Southerner makes to show he is unprovincial and unpredictable comes through the same pipeline:
1) The New York Times said it two weeks ago;
2) the Atlanta Journal said it last week;
3) the local newspaper, which is part of a
national chain, said it this morning, and
4) It is the Southern Sophisticate's
Independent Thought for today.
An Educated Man Knows His Bible, But....
Jesus never once criticized anybody for not
reading the Bible enough. In fact, one of the two people
in his parables who went to Hell knew the Bible inside and out,
backwards and forwards.
The proud Priest of the Temple, the Jew of
Jews, who stood proudly before the altar was condemned to Hell,
whereas the humble sinner who was in the shadows was saved.
But according to all the Bible literalists I hear, if you are a good
Jew and you read the Old Testament enough, you go to Heaven.
Jesus said, "No man goes to the Father but by
me."
But who cares about that? It's not in the
Old Testament.
When it comes to Jesus, there is one huge
difference between me and a real theologian. Jesus often said "It is
written." A theologian thinks Jesus said that because
only what was written by a Jewish scholar was a Real Authority to
Jesus.
I think Jesus quoted things that were written
only when what was written said what Jesus wanted to say.
I don't think Jesus ever needed anybody's
Authority but His own.
I Make a Mighty Revelation Unto You
Like everybody who has read the Old Testament a
lot, I now know everything about everything. I know True
Evolution, I can tell doctors how to practice medicine, I know True
Physics, all of it.
But since I am a busy man and my business is
politics, I will only tell you all about that.
For instance, I can tell you the true reason
the Middle East is in turmoil. Here it is:
Moslems don't eat pork. Israelis don't
eat pork.
When a
person is deprived of pork chops or Maurice Bessinger's pork
bar-be-cue, he becomes irritable. Then he becomes violent.
That's how Yankees got that way.
There is a whole segment of the Planet Earth
where people completely deny themselves pig meat. That area is
in a constant state of violent and bloody conflict.
You take away my pork chops and you too will be
in a state of violent and bloody conflict.
Now that I have explained this, I expect a
Nobel Prize by return post.
Does Anybody Care Whether Jesus Spoke
Greek?
If you have to be a good Jew to get to Heaven,
I've had it. I am dead certain that Hell is a place without
pork products. I expect to be Up There with my plate in
my hand and Maurice Bessinger handing out the viands.
A lot of my fellow Bible Belters think that
they will get to Heaven by hashing out theological points.
That is not the hash I am concerned with.
I have lots of qualifications to be a big-time
intellectual, but that is not how an old Southerner thinks.
Senator Sam Ervin of North Carolina was the unquestioned top expert
on constitutional law in the United States Senate. Even the
liberal black congresswoman Barbara Jordan went straight to him when she had
constitutional questions to ask.
One day when Senator Sam was chairing the
Judiciary Committee, Howard Baker got fed up with his always saying,
"I'm just a country lawyer from North Carolina." He
said, "Dammit, Sam, you're a MAGNA CUM LAUDE graduate of the Harvard
Law School!"
The senior senator from North Carolina grinned
and replied, "Yes, Howard, but nobody will ever know it."
Just like Senator Sam, I think a lot of myself,
but not the way the people who call themselves "intellectuals" do.
The so-called intellectuals think it's great when they use language
nobody understands. Like Sam Ervin, I know that any fool
can take a course in Ancient Greek and give a whole speech nobody
understands.
To me, a real intellectual is someone who can
take the most complicated point and understand it so well that he
can explain it in a way everybody can understand. That takes
smarts. That shows deep knowledge and deep understanding.
In ancient Palestine those who spent every waking hour
studying the Law and the Prophets spoke only to each other. Jesus
talked to fools like me.
I don't think there is any question that Jesus
was intelligent.
I happen to think He is a good deal more than
that.
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